This is The Balanced Leader Podcast, the podcast that helps leaders elevate their wellbeing and create healthier workplaces. My name is Rob Hills, and I am your leadership and wellbeing coach. 

After my recent conversation with Dr Adam Fraser, it got me thinking more about the Third Space. The concept of transitions kept popping up. In particular how I show up in different areas of my life. 

Sometimes – particularly when I’m busy, I’m not showing up how I’d like to. It’s usually because I’m running from one thing to the next, stressed or just in my head, thinking about whatever the latest issue in my life is. 

So lately I’ve been trying to set an intention for each segment of my day, because they all require different energy. I find that if I remind myself of what my intention is before the event, I show up as a better version of myself.

As leaders, we’re often called to wear many hats.

We might start our day with a challenging performance conversation, then move to an innovative brainstorming session, and end with a client presentation. Then at home, we are taxi driver, head chef and engaging story teller. But each of these require something different from each of us.

What I’ve learned is that by pausing to set a clear intention before each interaction, I can consciously choose which aspects of my leadership style, and my personality, to bring forward. This intentional approach helps me show up as the leader, person, dad, or husband each situation needs, rather than operating on autopilot.

When we set an intention, it makes it easier for us to show up in that way, because we are keeping it front of mind. If we don’t set an intention, we often show up based on whatever has happened to us in the last hour and wherever our mind has wandered off to.

Have you ever had this happen to you? You arrive at work after a particularly challenging morning with the kids, traffic was a nightmare, you couldn’t find a park and when you finally arrived you’ve found you’ve accidentally spilled your breakfast down your light coloured top!

Disaster – right?!?

Ask yourself – how did I show up that morning? 

So my experiment with setting more intentions between my transitions is going really well so far. It’s still a struggle, I’m not sure I’ve embedded it as a habit yet. But I want to share it with you in case this is something you’re struggling with and you might find benefit in doing it in your life.  

So why does intention setting work?

Neuroscience shows us that setting intentions activates the prefrontal cortex – which is often referred to as the brain’s ‘executive control centre’. The prefrontal cortex acts like the pilot in our brains.

And how do actual pilots, get us to where we’re going?

They take off with a plan on where they’re going and how they’re gonna get there. It doesn’t mean they don’t get knocked about by the winds! Pilots are off course 99% of the time. But they keep the end goal in mind and they make adjustments as they go. But they don’t take off without knowing where they want to end up! And I don’t know about you, but I’m not getting on a plane unless I know the pilot has a plan and he knows how to get us there. 

And this is how it shows up in life as well.

We are going to get knocked around by our thoughts, by external events, by things that are out of our control. But we have to keep our destination in mind and keep working towards it. 

As Yogi Berra said quite plainly “If you don’t know where you are going,you’ll end up someplace else.” Daily, we get to choose our destinations. We get to decide before events what sort of person we are going to show up as.

So how can you try this in your life? Let me give you a couple of examples I might use from a typical day in the life of Rob Hills

My first intention setting is when I wake up, after I’ve meditated and before I reach for my phone! I usually do a quick run through in my head about what the day holds for me. Then I’ll think about the energy I want to have for that first hour of my day where I’m getting the kids up, helping them get ready and then getting to the gym. 

As an introvert, and a recovering over-thinker who keeps falling off the wagon, i spend a lot of time in my head. So the car ride to work is a great place for thinking! So before I walk into the office, I stop and think about the energy I want to bring for my team and how I want to show up as a team mate. 

During the day I’ll take 10 minute walks around the block to reset and refocus on what’s coming up next. These usually coincide with the ending of one activity and the start of the next one. So my focus at the start of the walk might be decompressing from the activity I’ve just come from. But I end the walk thinking about what’s coming next. 

If I’m giving a presentation or leading a meeting, I think about the extra energy I want to show up with and how I want to show up for the people I’m interacting with. I don’t want to take low energy or mood into those situations. And as someone who still gets nervous about public speaking, this is a great opportunity to be proactive in managing my thoughts about what’s coming up, rather than listening to my monkey mind who is usually making me more nervous!

If I’m picking my son up from school, I want to clear away the thoughts of my work day, or any other issues I’m thinking about, and be ready to listen to him about how his day went and what he might be going through. 

And before bed, my intention is to let go of everything I’ve been holding onto throughout the day. To try and drop it all, so I don’t have a bad sleep and can wake up feeling ready to take on the new day.

This usually involves a little ritual where I consciously choose to let everything go. I let go of thoughts and any built up tension in my muscles with a mini meditation. 

Another way you can do this is by building in specific habits or touchstones into your life. In the episode with Dr Adam Fraser I talk about my habit of coming home from work and the traffic lights just near my house, where I switch from work mode to Dad mode. This is a valuable practice where I switch my attention from work, to how I want to show up when I get home. 

You could have a touchstone in the office.

You could make it that everytime you walk past the printer, you’re going to take a deep breath, reset and set your intention for the next interaction. Or everytime you stand up you’ll think about the next interaction and the person you want to show up as. 

Each time you are preparing for a difficult conversation you can take a walk around the block to clear your head and think about what you would like to achieve from the conversation and how you can show up as the best leader possible. 

So as you can see, there’s lots of different ways you can do this, you just have to find the combination that works for you. 

The things that I am struggling with at the moment or that get in the way of these intention setting activities? The first one is forgetting – even though it’s my intention to set an intention, I still haven’t quite made it a habit yet. 

And the other one is when things get really busy or I’m particularly stressed, sometimes I find it difficult. My mindset isn’t right, or I’m too focused on other things. 

But, as with anything we talk about on this podcast, I try not to judge myself and pick it back up at the next best opportunity. 

Ok.

Hopefully this has resonated with you and you’ve found this useful. I would love to hear how you set intentions and, if you haven’t until now and decide to give it a shot, I’d love to hear how it goes. 

So my challenge to you this week is to give this a try. What one small experiment could you try this week to be more intentional in your day? Whether it’s a transition between work and home or making an intention before you go into a meeting.

Give it a try, I guarantee it will make a difference!

Enjoy the rest of your day and I look forward to speaking with you next time.